My Words....Direct From Heart.: When I'm passed..

My expectations, what I want...

When I'm passed..

This is not a suicide note. I wanna make you know about my life time commitment, that is:-

"My passing away of life, mean my death will not be a case of mercy killing in any situation. I'll not be depressed at that level that make me commit suicide. I'll never be depressed at a level that kills me internally. I've a habit to share everything with someone without let it matter it is a known or unknown living person in my life, social media or a non-living object like my diary and all that. My going will never be like I've quit the battle with my life."

'When I'm passed' is my expectation note. In this note, I'm gonna tell you what I expect from you when I pass past your house. I want to make it clear that this is all about my walking journey expectations. If a day in future, I walk through your house, what I would like to see your smiling face, rather than surprised.

Hey wait. I know this is over going. As always, every story has a beginning. Let also this story has a. Let me tell you how an online gaming platform can change your life. Yup, what's new here, you may have this thought. I know this is not new. There are many who have been changed. I know this is all repeated sentences that I have a different story. This line may not convince you to read this entire note. But this is not just a note. These are feelings. All, that is written here, is not that all, we feel. But this is just an attempt, to make you feel the same way, as much as possible.

It was a random match. We matched on a gaming platform. Seeing that my opponent is a female player, I just felt myself very lucky. My feeling lucky was also because her mic (microphone) was enabled. Mean we could talk to each other. But, from my side, mic was still disabled. What I did, benefiting from this opportunity, was just sent her a friend request. The game was finally over. I did not take it seriously. Even, I had sent her request because I was taking it very likely, and in a flirty way. I don't remember who had won that game.

Love, which starts with hate, lasts longer. Because when it starts normally, both tell some lies to create an impression. They change their likes, dislikes, hobbies, favorites, most loved, past, present and even future plannings are modified than the real. They arrange their thoughts and try to adjust themselves in the others life. It is always called misunderstanding. When the misunderstanding is clear, they are no more partners. Let me clear this concept with an example.

Suppose there is a boy named Rakesh, meets a girl named Neha. What conversation they may have, if they meet at a place, is:-

-Hi, I'm Rakesh.

-Oh, hi. It's Neha.

-You look very gorgeous in this red.

-Oh, thank you. By the way red is my favorite.

-Same here. I also love red. Normally boys likes blue or navy blue. But I like red. (But in real, he likes navy blue. He tells her that he likes red, just to create an impression.)

-That's great. Actually I have most of my tik-tok videos in red dress.

-Mean you are a tik-toker?

-Yes. Why? Don't you like them? Then you must be liking that CarryMinati. Right?

-Can I have my explanation? I like tik-tokers. CarryMinati is ok. But his language is not so cool to listen to him. Even roasting has a limitation what words you should use. (But in real, he is a subscriber of CarryMinati and Ajay Nagar channel.)

-You're right. These people are shame in society.

-But cringe content makers are same. And I heard that NDA Government is going to ban tik-tok.

-Ya man. Also I heard the news. This is so embarrassing. One side, China is changing maps, but the other side, India is banning apps.

-This can be a digital strike. I love Modi Ji.

-I love him too. (But somewhere in her heart, Rahul Gandhi is her crush.) But digital strike is not going to work.

-Why?

-People are very socialized. NDA is making some tik-tok dedicated people Jobless. While is will be a great opportunity for memers. I hate memes.

-When memes are intended to criticize and hurt someone, I hate. But when it is subject to give your day a goosebumps, I like it. (Reality is that also he is a memer.)

All I want to prove through this conversation is that, when love starts normally, it is full of lies. At first, both try to fit in the others likes and dislikes. But later, when they know each other, it create the reasons for fights between them. Because these lies create misunderstandings. And misunderstanding has no replacement.

Being nice is OK. But pretending to be nice is not OK. Those, you want to prove yourself good in the eyes of whose, have to accept you the way you are. If you don't like Tik-Tok, they dare to say it. If you don't like MODI JI, dare to say this to your partner.

In future, your not daring to saying the real thing to your partner can harm your relationship, and so your life. If you don't like his/her joke, don't give him/her a fake smile. Just dare to say that was a lame joke. This is that simple. And this happens when LOVE starts with hate.

To prove that your opponent is wrong at a topic, you put your own opinion over around the point. If Banning TIK-TOK is not cool, but your opponent thinks it a nice step by the Current Government, you put your opinion how and why this is not good. And the other side, your opponent also puts his/her own opinion how and why this is good. And here you come to know each other, their real likes and dislikes, their thoughts, their opinions, their habits as well as their hobbies. Also, you come to know their goals and their wills, as well as their way towards their goals.

The same thing had happened with me. I know the credits should be gone to the real character of this story. But he himself had told me not to give him any credit. He told me to write this story with two anonymous characters. But giving a name is easy to make readers understand what the story is about, and where the story is going. As I have already told you, that every story has a beginning. But I am not saying every story has an end. Because sometimes you are not alive to see the story's end. I don't know whether my story has an end. But lets start it.

I've already mentioned in fourth paragraph, that it was a random match on an online gaming platform. I, after the game, sent her a friend request. I was taking it very likely and flirty. But, my request got approved very soon. I thought it was a fake id. Because, genuinely girls don't accept friend requests. I have many years experience on Hike and Facebook. My tuition mate, as well as my college crush, have not approved my friend requests as yet. I don't remember who texted first. The chat history has been deleted after I first time uninstalled the application.

She belongs to Muslim Community. Her religion is different. And this was the major reason for our chatting fights. I was told by my friends that Muslims are not made for India. They should not be here. I was proven wrong after a time. But that time, I was firm at the concept. I had won the fights with her so many times, proving that Hinduism is the oldest, the best and strong, which is true. I have made her feel down on the name of Pakistan. I remember one incident while chatting.

-"Who had created the universe?", I asked her.

-"Muhammad Sahab of course.", she replied.

-"When was your Muhammad Sahab in existance?", I asked.

-"I don't remember."

-"Then do remember. I'm telling you. Muhammad Sahab came in existance 610 C.E. And he manipulated some people saying that he is sent by God."

-"Excuse me, that was not a manipulation."

-"OK. Means God was in existence before your so called Muhammad Sahab?"

-"I don't know what is the story behind this."

-"Make google do it no. But, our religion has not a date. We don't remember how old we are. After Shree Krishna died and Kalyug arrived, there has been so many years. You must be knowing the story of Raja Parikshit, the Grandson of Pandavas. Do you?"

-"I have heard this story a little."

-"Now imagine. We don't remember how many years have passed in Kalyug. And the entire Dwapar Yuga, when Lord Krishna was born, Treta Yug, when Rama was born and Satyug are still there in our Hinduism. Can you imagine how old we are?"

-"So, what do you want to prove?"

-"Do I need to tell what I am trying to prove?"

The conversation continued. But I want to prove that when love starts with hate, we better know the thoughts of your opponent or partner. And this is why when love starts with hate, it lasts longer. But, the condition is the conversation don't end. It must continue. And then, when both fall in Love, it becomes an Unconditional Love. Many, who say to be in Love, don't understand the meaning of Unconditional Love.

According the me, if you want to understand anything, you should experience that, or need an experienced guide who can make you understand the whole concept around the thing.

Perhaps we are going away of the topic. I wish, when I shall be passing through your house, you see me standing at your balcony, with the sip of coffee. You don't get surprised. You just remember our old days, conversations, sharing moments, sharing stories, coming online after every message notification sound, being disappointed after not getting the message from me, being angry at my ignorance, burst into laughing over my lame jokes, sharing memes, sharing emotional video statuses, sharing everyday routine, sharing every little twists, sharing times, sharing tears, expecting from me that I would support you in your stupid steps and actions.

Really, things have been changed. Our story has no beginning, and no ending as well. Our story is like a beautiful dream. We don't remember the starting, and don't see the ending. We just know, feel, enjoy and remember the middle part of our dream, and so our story is.

In my next note, I'll try to remember the beginning, try to give it the same twists, we had, and will to complete it to re-memorize everything, we had in the past. But till then, I wish my God to make you strong. I wish, you stay safe, solid and don't melt over trifles.

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Kalamwali