I start a walk. I don't know where it is going to. I don't know whether it has an end or I will have to return. I don't know whether it is morning or evening. I just keep walking. Being in Love has the same concept I think. In my opinion, if you ask, Love has no route, no finishing point, no time limit, no aim and even no sense. Those who are in Love don't know what they are actually going through or what their life is going through.
Literally if you ask, I am talking about winter season. You see for is there all around. It feels like someone enters in the fog. But it's not like that. He who enters in the fog don't feel the same that he has entered in the fog. There is the difference between the point of view. Observer point of view says that someone has entered in the fog. But he who enters doesn't feel the same about himself. In the other situation, he who walks through the fog feels that he has left the observer in the fog.
You might not getting what I want to say. Don't worry, I'll make it clear. Let's come to the point. I am talking about Being in Love. People are often misled of my being in Love. They think that I'm in Love and not telling them. But this is the same as I have given above example. I am walking in search of Love and people think I am in Love. Reality is that they are in Love and their affection for me makes them assume that I'm in Love.
If I come to explain them, they won't believe it. They know I write quotes and poems along with notes about Love. They know the quotes I write are very relatable to all. They know I often talk about True Love. They had always observed me smiling. Smile!! what a beautiful topic to talk about! Oh!
There is a saying in English- "Behind every success, there is a woman." I rephrased it, saying- "Behind every smile, there is a female." This is not my phrase. This is what I have always heard from people who asked me, "Who is the reason for your smiling face?" Hey, this is not so simple to say as it looks here. They say, someone must have prayed that's why I am smiling. People in my circle tease me, saying that I'm single. But when it really comes to share some quality time, they turn their back, saying I'm lying about my singlehood.
I said no, my Being in Love is like my being in fog. People observing me from a place see me entering in and coming out from FOG. But only he who walks with me can realize that being an observer he was wrong. Same thing is here. He who says I'm lying about my singlehood, must live sometimes with me. He will automatically come to share his girlfriend with me as a sympathy.
I'm not on social gaming platforms where most of my friends got their call-mates to talk over night. The reason behind this is I can't hide my cheap behavior there. And, being called a cheap is not my thing. I'm very desperate about experiencing how it feels to have girlfriend. I listen to my friends when they share their experiences and imagine the same on me. I watch dating videos on YouTube. Some channels (i.e. Filtercopy, Binge, Alright, TSP, RVCJ Media, Arre, The Viral Fever, POPxoDaily, The Timeliner, Gobble, Harsh Beniwal, Patakha, This is Sumesh, ScoopWhoop etc.) on YouTube are there in my following list. They create feelings in me, for none.
When I listen to Arijit Singh, I literally begin to cry, feeling broken. But when I think about the person who have broken me, there is no one. I then find myself stupid. That's why I have started listening to English songs, which I don't understand. I listen to Love Poet, not because I can relate to their lines. This is just because I want to feel the same they have felt. I know this is not possible even in this fast world, where 3D motion pictures can be enjoyed.
Coming to the first example, I want to get into the fog. I walk into it and want to embrace the Fog like no one had ever did before. But Fog is not coming to me. The closer I move, the farer it goes. He who walks with me can see me walking faster. Not because I'm afraid of something un-wanted. I just want to embrace the Fog and never leave it.
Now replace the Fog with Love. Those who observe me entering into Love don't know I actually want to embrace Love tight. The less the number in meter for visibility is, the more I see chances to actually get into the Fog. Same with Love. The more the options, the more the chances. But nothing comes true in my case. And what the truth is is not acceptable by the society, I live in.
So, should I change the society??!!! I shall discuss on it in the finishing paragraph.
As I have mentioned, I sit with my friends when they share their experiences. I shit quiet. But my words matter for none. My presence matters. Those who see me sitting with friends and discussing about Love, they raise question Why? And, before I could explain them, they already have their own answer, I must be in Love. The same Why is raised in me regarding can't I be single. If you go for opinion poll with this question, a maximum will answer you NO. Reason is they are not single. They are committed.
Here is a myth. If someone has overeaten, he thinks no one is hungry. This is universal truth. If someone comes with an objection, I can't accept it. Because he doesn't accept I can be single. But, somewhere in a corner of my heart, myself respect doesn't allow me calling myself single. Shocked!! Don't worry, let me explain.
Also I'm not single. I'm committed with my FUTURE WIFE. Hey, don't think that. Who will be my Future Wife is not decided yet. Yet, I'm committed with her. She will be going to get a man who has no past. There will be no one to claim of being my ex. I won't be an apple of discord. My Future Wife will get an unexperienced guy. So, in this case, my Future Wife will not only be my wife, but also my teacher. I've already written a column on FUTURE WIFE, with this title Dear Future Wife... So, I don't stretch this not further on this topic.
Also, I've feelings for my crush. Hey, I can't deny this truth. Yes, many of you know about Crush. If don't, I know you are smart enough to Google it. Google will tell you Crush is a person to which you want to share your words regarding your feelings. But let me tell you what Crush means for me.
When I accidently cross with my Crush, I just look at her face. This is very satisfying for me. I don't look at elsewhere. I want to see her smiling. I want to see her eyes blink in slow motion. I want to see her laser cut hairs that she carries to stick with her ear again and again. I don't want to see her dimples. I want to see her lips changing shapes and length with her smile. I want to skid with the softness her face has. I want to see her continues without my eye blinks till the time, I would have no longer need to see her again. I don't want to compare her face with another ones. Because when I see her face, there is no face I want to see after. My eyes and heart doesn't allow me looking at something else.
There is no body sensation I feel. There is no stuttering in my words. I just feel different. This is not the same feeling my friends have for their beloveds. I feel I should express my feelings to her. But I don't understand what type of feeling I have. I don't understand what will I tell her. I don't know how to break the ice and keep the ball rolling. I'm not ready for a maiden speech. I don't feel my heartbeat turns faster after coming close to her. Yet, I have not been in her 15 meters radius.
There is no such feelings like she would be my girlfriend or friend or classmate or neighbor and all. Not at all. I just imagine myself and her in a single frame. For me, nothing but seeing her face matters. This is not because she is very beautiful. This is not because I haven't seen anyone more beautiful than her. This is because the simplicity and glory I see in her, is rare. It is hard to smile naturally. It is hard to burst into laughing. She doesn't care who is noticing her, who is following her, who is stalking her.
My first novel The Statement was all about my struggles for the single glance of the said face. But unfortunately, someone (I know the name) has lost it. I had mentioned every little stuff. I remember I had written that on January 24th, 2014, the distance between me and her was 17.05 meters or 19.1 yard. Air was a bit moisture. Cold breeze was blowing. She had worn a jacket with Dard blue and black linings over a pink top, and a Jeans in black. Sandals were looking about 7 months old. She had no scarf. That's why she was feeling cold in the afternoon. She just sat in a shop and covered her ears with her hands. Sometimes, she was blowing air in her hand and touching her ears with the warmed palm.
There were many such little stuff were written in the novel. Now, every date is forgotten. I still remember every incidents. But it is no use I remember such things. I tried my best to get over these things when I heard of losing my novel manuscript. I had written how I first met my crush. This was like we had attended a function. I was standing with my friends watching performances by school boys. Also she was standing with her friends on the opposite side, watching performances by school boys. My friends were looking at her, continuously, in a hope of that one chance when she looks at him and he could pass a sign. After looking for almost 40 hours, when she did not turn to us, one of my friends turned my head towards her.
I looked at her from her left. She was enjoying the function. But for us, she was the center of attraction. And, unfortunately she turned to us just after five minutes. The moment when she turned to us, we were looking at her. One of my friends passed him a signal in sign language. She turned back. After the function was end, we moved out the hall. We followed her to know where she would left for. The idea was not mine. I was feeling nothing for her till the time. But, when she caught her car to home, I felt something is missing. There the story started.
But the question is that is this called being committed? If yes, why your committed status is different than mine? It costs nothing to have crush on someone. Also I was someone's crush, and I know it. But unlike me, she had made an approach to me and proposed me for Time Pass.
Yes, I call it time pass. If you are taking someone's time for no use, this is time pass. Those who claim that I am hiding about my Love can tell me the definition. If there would be anything common in there Love and mine, I would honestly admit it. But no, there is nothing. Talking to a girl whole night is Love for them. Having been in physical relation is Love for them. Meeting and long ride is Love for them. Sharing moments and happiness is Love for them. Gift and Valentine week are the key factor to express their Love. And when it comes to marry, the don't choose the same mate.
Why does it need a Girlfriend, when everything can be made with wife? Is this because it is your swag? No. This is because you can't wait till the time. You can't wait for your Wife/Husband's entry in your life. Till the time, you need a toy to play with for your enjoyment and entertainment. And yes, I'm proud to say I'm single. Because I can wait for my wife.
You have some rights. One of them also this is that it's your choice to accept it or not. I was looking for a world where people could understand me and accept me for what I am, without question. Because I believe in the fact. If someone say I don't have pen, I accept it and look for a solution, if he is in need. I don't ask him Why doesn't he have pen. We are not same. When I have to share something, I find blog to share or note it in my diary. I don't always need a friend to share things with. And, I'm blessed with the smart friends who give me solution related to life problems.
Yet, I'm in search of my own world, where everyone can be understood. If someone makes mistakes, don't repeat Why again and again. I'm not saying that you stop your Time Pass. What I want to say is that don't ask my Why am I single again and again. You carry on with your Time Pass and do accept that someone in this world, in this century can be single. Because yes, I am waiting for the one, I don't know. Don't judge me with my quotes, notes and poems. None of them is based on my personal experience.
Sometimes I feel, telling people that I am single has same effect like you are riding bicycle on a slope and pedaling in reverse, without applying brakes. For me, Love should be a solid state of matter, so that I could have it in atomic mass, if not in Kilo.
Yet, I'll be present to share things about Love. Do follow me on other social media platforms. Click on the respective option where you want to see us.
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