मजबुरी और मोहब्बत

 

AI Generated illustration

This is just a few words, as mentioned in cover, to whoever concerned, keeping in view of todays scenarios where the most sacred relation, the relation of tying knot and accepting someone life-partner, is getting scary day by day. So, this can be a request note, an advice note, and a questionnaire, depending how you take it.

Here it goes :

लोग क्यों नहीं सुनते तुजुर्बेदारों की?

लोग क्यों वही गलतियां दुहराते हैं?

मजबूरियां होती हैं मोहब्बत से बड़ी,

ये अपने उपर ही क्यों आजमाते हैं?

क्यों ही साथी चुनना है किसी को,

जब आखिर में चुनाव बदल जाते हैं?

जानना काफी क्यों नहीं हो सकता?

क्यों इसके आगे निकल जाते हैं?

पहल होती है जब किसी एक की,

दूसरे क्यों नहीं उसे समझाते हैं?

तकलीफ होती वैसे किसी एक को,

समझदारी क्यों नहीं दिखाते हैं?

मुझे पूछना है मेरे पहचान वालों से,

वो आजकल कहाँ मन लगाये हैं?

जो जानते हैं उनकी प्रेमिकाओं ने,

किसी और के साथ घर बसाए हैं..

जानने खातिर थोड़े ही पूछना है,

उन्हें तो उनके वादे याद दिलाने है,

उन्हें याद दिलाना है उनका दावा,

उन्हें वो उनकी बाते याद दिलाने हैं,

वो जो नहीं देते थे तवज्जो मुझको,

ना मेरी सलाह, न मेरी जरूरत को,

कहते थे "तुम नहीं समझोगे भाई,

ये प्यार, इश्क और मोहब्बत को"

अबकी हारा है मेरे पहचान वालों ने,

अपने पसंदीदा शख़्स को किसी से,

जिसके साथ गुजारनी हो जिन्दगी,

मोहब्बत क्यों नहीं होती उसी से?

नए साथी को क्यों नहीं देते तवज्जो?

क्यों बोझ लगता है ये नया रिश्ता?

क्यों नाजायज रिश्ते सही लग रहे हैं?

छिपके जो हो, आखिर कैसा रिश्ता?

क्या है गलती आखिर नए शख़्स की?

क्यों नहीं मिलता इसे वो एक मौका?

जब तुम्हारा प्रेम इसको मिल सके,

जब कि तुमने पीछे मुड़ के न हो देखा,

उसके बाद भी हृदय में कोई और हो,

जिसके खातिर तुमने आंसु बहाए हो,

जिसके खोने की पीड़ा अभी ताज़ी हो,

जिसके पास तुमने संपर्क बनाए हो,

सोचो क्या बीती होगी इसके मन पे,

नाजायज रिश्ते के खातिर रोने पे,

क्यों फिर से प्रयास नहीं कर सकते?

एक मोहब्बत नाकामयाब होने पे?

वो शख़्स जिसने तुम्हें अपनाया है,

वो तुम्हारे घाव भी भर सकता है,

लेकिन अगर कुरेदते रहोगे हमेशा,

तो फिर वो क्या ही कर सकता है?

The moral is that falling for someone is not strange. The adolescence is the peak period of time where our hormonal sensations are super--active and it can really make anyone fall for someone. But calling it love is really as childish as falling for love. I mean, there is no maturity if you fall for someone, or you call it love. It's just an attraction where you get closer to someone for his/her appearance, behaviour, voice, style or maybe an action.

Maturity is that you are already aware of these attraction game and control yourself. If couldn't control to fall for someone, control not to make him/her know about it. Try your best to keep it to yourself and don't tell anyone about it. If you failed to do this too, try to maintain a friendly relation, and nothing more than this. Don't try to be around him/her all the time. If you can't do this, don't try to make any physical relation. Let it be just a friendly relation. Because the next step breaks the love into lust. If you make any physical relation, there is no love. It's lust. Maybe you don't accept it. But you are making your partner to fulfil his/her target.

Despite you someone can't control to make a physical relation with your partner, there is still a chance. Don't make it again and again. Maybe you once can't resist. But it should never come into your habits. You can't let your partner succeed in his target again and again. Try to maintain a distance from him/her. If not, it can be lethal to you. Because you know these practices are illicit and you are doing it behind the curtain. Just because you are enjoying being in his/her company, it doesn't mean it is right. It's still a crime.

Avoiding such things is maturity, not protecting it, claiming it, and trying to prove it right. Leaving your guardians with no choice is not maturity. Trying to convince your guardians at the cost of losing your life, and without thinking how will it effect the society and what will it cost to the members of your family, is not maturity. How will they feel walking across the crowd. They will blame the members of your family for not looking after you, and not providing enough love that made you wander outside.

It's easy to say "who 4 people?" But ask yourself, don't you know who 4 people? They are the same people who helped you in need. Everything is not your homemade. Count the hundreds and thousands of things which you needed, like cloths, slippers, food, vegetables, spices, groceries, books, pen, and everything. It's still your need. You can't run away from it. When they who provide such items, ask you sour questions, how will you face them?

Don't say stupid things in selfishness. Because such things should not be promoted, instead, it should be suppressed. You must develop such understanding in both of you, that the practices made due to immaturity should be left behind, and try not to repeat. And this will come with ethics. Learn some ethical values so that you can convey it to the future generation.

We are humans. We are not animals or birds. We are different because we have mind and we can distinguish things to be right or wrong. If we fail to decide, we can still take help and guidance from someone close to us. Human life is never about selfishness. It is about "Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam." It means, our happiness lies in the happiness of others. And the word "others" doesn't mean a single person who you love.

I'm not saying that you can't have a past. But I am expecting some maturity when you realise it was not the bright side of your past. And I expect that you forget it like a nightmare. Instead, you just confess your partner when you think it's the right time to confess. He/she may also have a past. But he/she is still ready to accept you leaving his/her past behind. Why are you being stubborn and not ready to leave the past behind? Why are you dragging it to the present and trying to ruin the future of three families. This will ruin the your current partner's family, your family and your past partner's family as well. Ask yourself why are you uncomfortable in confession your past to your partner. Do you really want to confess or let it go. Why are you still in contact with your past partner? Are you planning something worst? Why don't you try to avoid such brutal planning by just saying that you have had in practice with someone and you don't want to loose contact with him/her? Trust me, a confession is the best way to avoid future obstructions in togetherness.

Instead, why don't you try to convince your past partner to stop contacting you? Why can't you accept that was just a mistake? Why don't you leave him/her? Why is it so difficult for you to move on? He/she is there to stand beside you in your difficult time. He/she can support you.

Remember! "Those who look behind, can't walk ahead. Of try, they tend to fall on."

Decision is yours!!!

By the way, some links to approach me for my works (significant and trivial) are provided below:

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Second Blog 

चाँद और वो

 

AI Generated Illustration

Tried to compare some features of the Moon to that of a person who has a special place in heart. The features include slight and continuous change along with the glorious and flawless beauty, where even the Moon is nothing before her. Check out more...

ना समय पता, ना दिन और न ही जगह,

बात छिपने की हो या कब कहीं से निकल आने की,

(There is no fixed time, date or place where she appears suddenly from or disappears.)

चाँद हमेशा से ही कुछ नहीं था उसके आगे,

बात खूबसूरती की हो या धीरे धीरे बदल जाने की,

(The moon was nothing before her ever, be it about beauty or slight and continuous change.)

उसके होने भर से वैसे तो मिलती है ठंडक,

बात सुकून की हो या उसे देखते ही पिघल जाने की,

(I feel some shiver when she's around. Be it about relief or melting after seeing her.)

उसको देख भी कहाँ पाते हैं हम नजर भर के,

आँखों को आदत है उसके चेहरे से फिसल जाने की,

(I can't even see her with my eyes full. They (eyes) fell off her face always.)

उसकी शिकायतें भी आखिर कैसे करें उससे,

बात गुस्से की हो या एक झलक से बहल जाने की,

(How do I complain her? Be it about the anger or propitiation with just a glance of her.)

फ़र्क़ पड़ता है उसके होने से बस यादों में भी,

बात रौशनी की हो या अंधेरों में भी सम्भल जाने की...

(Even her presence in my mind matters. Be it about light or being able to manage in the darkness.)

Initially this was a shayari (Second Line) about a girl who has dumped up a guy for someone else. Later it is converted into a poetry featuring someone's crush. Head to menu sections where categories of posts are provided with relevant posts.

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Second Blog 

The Dream!!

 

The Dream!!

                Last night, before getting sleep, I told one of my village mate friends, “I had made a mistake which I had not supposed to be a mistake, but now I know was a blunder.” This is about the same mistake; I would tell it later in this note.

                By the way dream has no beginning. I mean we can’t remember exactly where did the dream start. And if you are not waking up suddenly by someone or something, you don’t even remember where did it got end. You just remember a part of it. So, I try to remember and share it in a sequence as far as I remember.

Dream Begins...

                I really wanted to eat Kachari, (head part of a gram plant). Because last evening, I told the same friend mentioned above to make a plan for Kachari. Even in my dream, I asked my friend to come with me for Kachari. But he rejected the proposal. I did not ask someone else for it, thinking that they might also reject it. So I went alone.

                If I really wanted to have that Kachari, I could have that. But I did not pluck a single piece and by walking fast, I went straight near our neighbouring village. Remember that I was on foot. Reaching near the village, I thought someone might ask me what I was doing there. So I plucked some pease. Despite there were people around me in the fields, I plucked some. And nobody told me anything.

                Walking ahead, I reached into a pass. I don’t know how I got bike there. My own bike. Further that I got it fuelled from a man of the village. He returned me 370 rupees out of 500 rupees for 1 litre. While petrol price at fuel stations is around 106.96 rupees per litre. Well, after that, the man asked where I was from and what my father name was. And when I answered him, he asked if Falana is my brother. I told yes. That means he knew my father and my brother.

                When I went ahead, I had no bike. The bike was lost. Then I had a cycle. And then I had reached near her house as well. But that was completely a different house. Earlier when I was taking fuels, the place exists in real. When I was in the fields, I can still recognise that place in real. But her house in the dream was completely different from the real once. The house is near a turn. There was one in the dream. But there is no slope as I saw in my dream. Riding a cycle on a curvy slope from downside up is really a tough job specially in the dreams. I could not do that. So I get off the cycle and tried to push it and climb.

                There was her house at the turn. By the way her house is near the curve in reality also. But there is no slope there. When I was climbing it, and I had completed only a half of it, I saw her at the other side of a door.

                She had worn a pencil grey t-shirt, and she was in a brown blanket. Her hairs were open. She was looking slimmer and thin than ever before. But she was still pretty as always. When my eyes fell over her, and she looked at me, I deliberately tried to ignore her.

                Yes, she was the same to whom I wanted to see daily, wanted to see every moment, and whenever wanted to see something, it was her. It had been my desire always to see her smiling face. But this could not be possible. There has passed more than 11 years and 4 months since the day, I had saw her first time. By the way, there are calculations done somewhere else. I would share it later.

                Even I don’t know the exact reason behind ignoring her. Maybe it was a side effect on her for my little disappointment with someone else few days ago. Or maybe I wanted just a glance of her, and I had got that glace. Anything the reason maybe, but I tried to ignore her.

                But this is not that easy to walk ahead after ignoring the person whom you always wanted to see and did not desire anything else after that person. There was the same situation for me. So, to get one more glance of her, I turned towards her. But till then, I had walked ahead some steps. And then, I could not see her by the door, but by the window that was there by side of the door.

                But strange! She was also looking at me. When she caught me looking at her, she asked, “I was looked at, aren’t I?” I could not trust my ears. I walked a little bit back to hide from her by the wall that lied between the door and window. I walked a bit back again and saw her by the door. She was still looking at me. She repeated the question, “I was looked at, aren’t I?” I was shocked. I walked ahead again and saw her by the window, she again asked the same question, “I was looked at, aren’t I?” And this was repeated by both of us, nearly 5 to 6 times. Every time, same thing.

                Finally, I stopped in front of her door. I wanted to know why she was asking it. When she saw me standing, she gestured to come near her. I went near the door. Then she asked, “You wanted to see me no, then look at me in details. I know you like me and you always want to see me. Then go ahead, I don’t mind.”

                Then I ran after it. Then I had no bicycle. It was lost. I returned onto the same path, which I had taken to reach her by cycle. I saw some people there. It looked like a worship was ongoing there. I had seen them people somewhere in real. But I can’t remember any of them now. I reached them and said, “She got to know it.” Someone asked me, “Who got to know what?” I said, “That I like looking at her.” Someone said, “This is what you wanted no, that she somehow gets to know it?” I told myself, “Yes, this is what I wanted, that she somehow gets to know that I like it when I look at her.”

                And then I thought, was it really a mistake that I told to my friend about, saying, “I had made a mistake.”

                In a month in 2021, I had shared to the elder sister-in-law about my crush and the brief history of how I met and how it was going till then. It was also about which village she belonged to, whose daughter was she. I said I like her. But the like was not in that way others do. I like looking at her face. I forget everything after just a glance of her, everything like the problems, complications and all, and only her smiling face is there in my mind for a long. But I don’t know whether she knows it or not. Don’t know if she had noticed it and had misunderstood me that I follow her, like her, love her or something like that. So, I want to get her know, if she doesn’t know, and clear her misunderstanding if she knows. I want to get her know that I am not a bad guy, and I don’t want anything from her except she comes across me frequently. So that I can get a glance of her. I want to tell her if she had no faith in boys in the world, if she was cheated or had met a wrong guy ever in life who had hurt her, if she had to take any judgement about boys, she must know I am there in this world who had never wished anything else but only to see her smiling face. And even today, while there is a negative chance to have a glance of her. I get a glance sometimes after more than a year, and till that I can recognise her, she gets passed on bike with her father or brother. So I want to tell her that there are boys like that in this world. At least there is one in her life, or there is a boy for her who doesn’t care about her past, present, future, character or literacy, mistakes, misdeeds, fortunes or anything. This is enough for me to get a chance to see her, even for some seconds.

Dream Over

 

                Now when I realised it was just a dream, now I telling about my crush to sister-in-law was certainly my mistake. Because she (sister-in-law) has promised to keep it a secret and won’t tell anyone. But she broke her promise the 4^th of 5^th day of getting to know, and elder sister got to know about it from her. Elder sister had gone to attend a marriage function at her home. When I came to know it, I requested sister-in-law to ask elder sister at least a photo of her (crush). But instead of asking for it indirectly, sister-in-law told elder sister directly that I had asked for a photo of her, because I like her. And elder sister, instead of sending photo in chat, put it into her WhatsApp status. I have a screenshot of that.

                Recently, on April 2, 2025, when I visited one of my friends’ village and then to another one’s, and then retuned to the first one again, with third friend. The first left for market with elder sister after a very short conversation in which elder sister had participated, and the topic was the third friend’s marriage. The first friend told us to take some time, have tea and then leave for our respective homes.

                The topic was still the third friend’s marriage, until we started taking tea. They both sisters-in-law were complaining about the invitation in his marriage. But when we headed to tea, the topic changed and I got in centre of the talk.

                I was waiting for the tea to get normal for taking, near north-west pillar. The friend was there, sitting on a sofa like chair near south-west pillar. We were in the west veranda. Both sisters-in-law were there in south veranda near the south-west pillar. One of them, the elder one was stitching something. Elder sister and the first friend had already left for market.

                The elder one of the two complaint me that I am angry at her perhaps because she had not done a work given by me. I retaliated it saying that she was being inattentive and ignoring me for last two times. The first time when I had visited there a week ago, and today, when I had visited there before then, the same day. Might be she was talking to me because of the third friend whom I had taken from the second friend’s village. Otherwise you would not have talked to me, and I had to leave with the first friend and elder sister. On my complaint, the younger sister-in-law supported me.

                And then, the elder sister-in-law told, “No I think it will be done. Because the relations between we and them are getting better.” The younger sister-in-law interrupted, “Don’t worry. I know everything.” Elder said, “Yes, I had told her everything about both of you. But now your work will be done.”

                I said, “I don’t need the work done anymore. If you had gone a far and about to complete it, don’t. Stop there. I don’t want to do that. Because now I think that things will not be same after it, like it is today.”

                I was to complete it when aunty came into the house. She was already there when we were talking about friend’s marriage. But when elder sister left, she also went outside. But she came again and I stopped there. But none of the two sisters-in-law were affected from it. Elder one said, “There is a Shiv-Charcha today there. It’s an opportunity for you. She maybe found there and you could meet her.” I gestured her with my angry face and eyes to stop. She stopped there. But the younger one started, “Yes. Elder sister was telling once that sometimes she takes part in Shiv-Charcha. She maybe found if you go.”

                She had not completed it when aunty interrupted, “So, there’s no conversation there?” I thought don’t know where she had come from and what she was asking about, so she might be asking it to sisters-in-law. Or might be she had left the conversation earlier so she was still talking about that. Because when we were talking about friend’s marriage, she was there.

But when no one answered her, she came near me, leant on the chair’s arm which I was sitting in, bowed a bit on me and asked, “You don’t have a contact number of her from that (the name of the village) village?” My friend along with sisters-in-law began to laugh, but they only showed their smiles. She further said, “Yes, if you don’t have that, you can tell us. We can provide you.”

                If this is said to be open-minded, I am not open-minded. And I don’t have to be that. I was made to cry inside on aunt’s question about the contact number. Because why did I tell the elder sister-in-law about my crush? Because why did she told everyone in the family about it? And even if she knew it, what is her right on me to ask that? Or which relation allows her to ask it to me? Had moms and aunts started supporting such things? Did she support their own son(s) and daughter(s) in their affairs? Had she helped and accepted the affairs of her own son(s) and daughter(s)? Had I ever asked them to talk to manage my talk to her? Had I ever asked them that I want to love her or get physical? Had I ever asked anything except just a chance to get a glance of her? Had not I told them, “You had to tell her only that I like only to look at her smiling face, and nothing else?”

                Then why did aunty say that? Why did the fact that only a few of my friends and a blog which is read by none, reached to aunty? And if it is reached, they should let it be a topic for their part time conversation in themselves. I couldn't mind it. But what was a need to ask me that? This is exposing my thoughts or hers? Getting attracted to things is normal for me. Because I am in that phase of life. Yet, I had maintained the dignity. I had never crossed the limit. I had never crossed the line. I had maintained the dignity and respect. But is this normal for her also? Shouldn’t she care about her dignity? Was it not her right the stop me instead of supporting? She could tell me to leave that all and focus on studies and career.

                I literally wept inside. If there was a chance I had shed my tears except the once when I was beaten by my mother, I would have shed my tears there that day also. If there was not the friend, taking tea, I would leave the house soon after that question about contact number. But he was taking tea, and I too. After finishing it, I could only ask a few words, “Would you come with me? Or I should take a leave?” That is because he was still sitting in chair while I was standing and ready to leave. Despite we were with our separate bikes, I wanted to leave with him. I took my helmet and touched everyone’s feet and left.

                It has been just three days since this incident. But I still can’t kick it out of my mind. I might forget about this dream. Because dreams are not in memories forever in its real form. So I noted it down here in the morning, just after waking up. But aunt's question is still moving around in my mind, and it will keep rounding. And going there and talking to them is almost over. When my friend will ask me for it, and I find my visiting there is a must, I would have to go. But I would not be the former one, like I was before this incident. There will be nothing like before. I can’t rise my eyes up. Things will not be changed.

                And if it is about seeing her (crush), she is rarely seen. Getting chances to see her has been almost over. So, seeing her or not seeing her is both the same. Because I can’t remember her last face for a very long. As long as more than a year. It gets faded. Yet, I did not make any effort to get the chance to see her, and I won’t do that in due course. Even after getting a glance, I had left to try to get a complete and detailed look of her very earlier. Now that I can’t walk with my eyes closed. And it is not in my hand for a face to come out to be of her in thousands of faces that come across me. But I won’t make any effort and there will be no excitement. And now I don’t want to convey my message and clear her misunderstanding, if there is a.

                If she wants to know, this blog is dedicated with content that is really wished her to get to know. She can check it here, get it, and understand it. The efforts from my side is no more. I can’t do it anymore.

The above note is based on true event, and orated exactly as told to the admin of this blog.

By the way, some links to approach me for my works (significant and trivial) are provided below:

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Love, Crush, Future Wife and My world

I start a walk. I don't know where it is going to. I don't know whether it has an end or I will have to return. I don't know whether it is morning or evening. I just keep walking. Being in Love has the same concept I think. In my opinion, if you ask, Love has no route, no finishing point, no time limit, no aim and even no sense. Those who are in Love don't know what they are actually going through or what their life is going through.

Literally if you ask, I am talking about winter season. You see for is there all around. It feels like someone enters in the fog. But it's not like that. He who enters in the fog don't feel the same that he has entered in the fog. There is the difference between the point of view. Observer point of view says that someone has entered in the fog. But he who enters doesn't feel the same about himself. In the other situation, he who walks through the fog feels that he has left the observer in the fog.

You might not getting what I want to say. Don't worry, I'll make it clear. Let's come to the point. I am talking about Being in Love. People are often misled of my being in Love. They think that I'm in Love and not telling them. But this is the same as I have given above example. I am walking in search of Love and people think I am in Love. Reality is that they are in Love and their affection for me makes them assume that I'm in Love.

If I come to explain them, they won't believe it. They know I write quotes and poems along with notes about Love. They know the quotes I write are very relatable to all. They know I often talk about True Love. They had always observed me smiling. Smile!! what a beautiful topic to talk about! Oh!

There is a saying in English- "Behind every success, there is a woman." I rephrased it, saying- "Behind every smile, there is a female." This is not my phrase. This is what I have always heard from people who asked me, "Who is the reason for your smiling face?" Hey, this is not so simple to say as it looks here. They say, someone must have prayed that's why I am smiling. People in my circle tease me, saying that I'm single. But when it really comes to share some quality time, they turn their back, saying I'm lying about my singlehood.

I said no, my Being in Love is like my being in fog. People observing me from a place see me entering in and coming out from FOG. But only he who walks with me can realize that being an observer he was wrong. Same thing is here. He who says I'm lying about my singlehood, must live sometimes with me. He will automatically come to share his girlfriend with me as a sympathy.

I'm not on social gaming platforms where most of my friends got their call-mates to talk over night. The reason behind this is I can't hide my cheap behavior there. And, being called a cheap is not my thing. I'm very desperate about experiencing how it feels to have girlfriend. I listen to my friends when they share their experiences and imagine the same on me. I watch dating videos on YouTube. Some channels (i.e. Filtercopy, Binge, Alright, TSP, RVCJ Media, Arre, The Viral Fever, POPxoDaily, The Timeliner, Gobble, Harsh Beniwal, Patakha, This is Sumesh, ScoopWhoop etc.) on YouTube are there in my following list. They create feelings in me, for none.

When I listen to Arijit Singh, I literally begin to cry, feeling broken. But when I think about the person who have broken me, there is no one. I then find myself stupid. That's why I have started listening to English songs, which I don't understand. I listen to Love Poet, not because I can relate to their lines. This is just because I want to feel the same they have felt. I know this is not possible even in this fast world, where 3D motion pictures can be enjoyed.

Coming to the first example, I want to get into the fog. I walk into it and want to embrace the Fog like no one had ever did before. But Fog is not coming to me. The closer I move, the farer it goes. He who walks with me can see me walking faster. Not because I'm afraid of something un-wanted. I just want to embrace the Fog and never leave it.

Now replace the Fog with Love. Those who observe me entering into Love don't know I actually want to embrace Love tight. The less the number in meter for visibility is, the more I see chances to actually get into the Fog. Same with Love. The more the options, the more the chances. But nothing comes true in my case. And what the truth is is not acceptable by the society, I live in. 

So, should I change the society??!!! I shall discuss on it in the finishing paragraph.

As I have mentioned, I sit with my friends when they share their experiences. I shit quiet. But my words matter for none. My presence matters. Those who see me sitting with friends and discussing about Love, they raise question Why? And, before I could explain them, they already have their own answer, I must be in Love. The same Why is raised in me regarding can't I be single. If you go for opinion poll with this question, a maximum will answer you NO. Reason is they are not single. They are committed.

Here is a myth. If someone has overeaten, he thinks no one is hungry. This is universal truth. If someone comes with an objection, I can't accept it. Because he doesn't accept I can be single. But, somewhere in a corner of my heart, myself respect doesn't allow me calling myself single. Shocked!! Don't worry, let me explain.

Also I'm not single. I'm committed with my FUTURE WIFE. Hey, don't think that. Who will be my Future Wife is not decided yet. Yet, I'm committed with her. She will be going to get a man who has no past. There will be no one to claim of being my ex. I won't be an apple of discord. My Future Wife will get an unexperienced guy. So, in this case, my Future Wife will not only be my wife, but also my teacher. I've already written a column on FUTURE WIFE, with this title  Dear Future Wife... So, I don't stretch this not further on this topic.

Also, I've feelings for my crush. Hey, I can't deny this truth. Yes, many of you know about Crush. If don't, I know you are smart enough to Google it. Google will tell you Crush is a person to which you want to share your words regarding your feelings. But let me tell you what Crush means for me.

When I accidently cross with my Crush, I just look at her face. This is very satisfying for me. I don't look at elsewhere. I want to see her smiling. I want to see her eyes blink in slow motion. I want to see her laser cut hairs that she carries to stick with her ear again and again. I don't want to see her dimples. I want to see her lips changing shapes and length with her smile. I want to skid with the softness her face has. I want to see her continues without my eye blinks till the time, I would have no longer need to see her again. I don't want to compare her face with another ones. Because when I see her face, there is no face I want to see after. My eyes and heart doesn't allow me looking at something else.

There is no body sensation I feel. There is no stuttering in my words. I just feel different. This is not the same feeling my friends have for their beloveds. I feel I should express my feelings to her. But I don't understand what type of feeling I have. I don't understand what will I tell her. I don't know how to break the ice and keep the ball rolling. I'm not ready for a maiden speech. I don't feel my heartbeat turns faster after coming close to her. Yet, I have not been in her 15 meters radius.

There is no such feelings like she would be my girlfriend or friend or classmate or neighbor and all. Not at all. I just imagine myself and her in a single frame. For me, nothing but seeing her face matters. This is not because she is very beautiful. This is not because I haven't seen anyone more beautiful than her. This is because the simplicity and glory I see in her, is rare. It is hard to smile naturally. It is hard to burst into laughing. She doesn't care who is noticing her, who is following her, who is stalking her.

My first novel The Statement was all about my struggles for the single glance of the said face. But unfortunately, someone (I know the name) has lost it. I had mentioned every little stuff. I remember I had written that on January 24th, 2014, the distance between me and her was 17.05 meters or 19.1 yard. Air was a bit moisture. Cold breeze was blowing. She had worn a jacket with Dard blue and black linings over a pink top, and a Jeans in black. Sandals were looking about 7 months old. She had no scarf. That's why she was feeling cold in the afternoon. She just sat in a shop and covered her ears with her hands. Sometimes, she was blowing air in her hand and touching her ears with the warmed palm.

There were many such little stuff were written in the novel. Now, every date is forgotten. I still remember every incidents. But it is no use I remember such things. I tried my best to get over these things when I heard of losing my novel manuscript. I had written how I first met my crush. This was like we had attended a function. I was standing with my friends watching performances by school boys. Also she was standing with her friends on the opposite side, watching performances by school boys. My friends were looking at her, continuously, in a hope of that one chance when she looks at him and he could pass a sign. After looking for almost 40 hours, when she did not turn to us, one of my friends turned my head towards her.

I looked at her from her left. She was enjoying the function. But for us, she was the center of attraction. And, unfortunately she turned to us just after five minutes. The moment when she turned to us, we were looking at her. One of my friends passed him a signal in sign language. She turned back. After the function was end, we moved out the hall. We followed her to know where she would left for. The idea was not mine. I was feeling nothing for her till the time. But, when she caught her car to home, I felt something is missing. There the story started.

But the question is that is this called being committed? If yes, why your committed status is different than mine? It costs nothing to have crush on someone. Also I was someone's crush, and I know it. But unlike me, she had made an approach to me and proposed me for Time Pass.

Yes, I call it time pass. If you are taking someone's time for no use, this is time pass. Those who claim that I am hiding about my Love can tell me the definition. If there would be anything common in there Love and mine, I would honestly admit it. But no, there is nothing. Talking to a girl whole night is Love for them. Having been in physical relation is Love for them. Meeting and long ride is Love for them. Sharing moments and happiness is Love for them. Gift and Valentine week are the key factor to express their Love. And when it comes to marry, the don't choose the same mate.

Why does it need a Girlfriend, when everything can be made with wife? Is this because it is your swag? No. This is because you can't wait till the time. You can't wait for your Wife/Husband's entry in your life. Till the time, you need a toy to play with for your enjoyment and entertainment. And yes, I'm proud to say I'm single. Because I can wait for my wife.

You have some rights. One of them also this is that it's your choice to accept it or not. I was looking for a world where people could understand me and accept me for what I am, without question. Because I believe in the fact. If someone say I don't have pen, I accept it and look for a solution, if he is in need. I don't ask him Why doesn't he have pen. We are not same. When I have to share something, I find blog to share or note it in my diary. I don't always need a friend to share things with. And, I'm blessed with the smart friends who give me solution related to life problems.

Yet, I'm in search of my own world, where everyone can be understood. If someone makes mistakes, don't repeat Why again and again. I'm not saying that you stop your Time Pass. What I want to say is that don't ask my Why am I single again and again. You carry on with your Time Pass and do accept that someone in this world, in this century can be single. Because yes, I am waiting for the one, I don't know. Don't judge me with my quotes, notes and poems. None of them is based on my personal experience.

Sometimes I feel, telling people that I am single has same effect like you are riding bicycle on a slope and pedaling in reverse, without applying brakes. For me, Love should be a solid state of matter, so that I could have it in atomic mass, if not in Kilo.

Yet, I'll be present to share things about Love. Do follow me on other social media platforms. Click on the respective option where you want to see us.

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