My Words....Direct From Heart.

It's not necessary for every person to be a friend. But the reverse is also true. It's not necessary for every friend to be a person. Every known or unknown source of our happiness, be it a person or a thing, can be considered a friend. And happiness has a wide range of varieties. But friendship is about sharing, caring, standing along and vibe matching is Cherry on the Cake. I welcome you to this blog where I share my literary works. They're of both fictional and non-fictional type. Have a look

Saturday, 6 March 2021

Crush, एकतरफा मुलाक़ात और एहसान

तुम क्या ही समझोगे मेरा हाल-ए-दिल तुम्हें देखकर,

तुम क्या समझोगे तुम्हारे लिए मेरे जज़्बात क्या है,

एक तरफा मोहब्बत बहुत देखा-सुना होगा तुमने भी,

शायद तुम नहीं समझो एकतरफा मुलाकात क्या है,

तुम्हारे खयालों में कुछ इस तरह बंधा हुआ रहता हूं,

इन हसीन खयालों से अच्छा कोई हवालात क्या है,

दर्द ने भी इन दिनों खुशियों वाली चादर ओढ़ रखी है,

तुम्हारे सिवा मैं दूसरा क्या कहूं कि कायनात क्या है,

कल ही तुमने इनकार किया मेरे इजहार-ए-इश्क़ को,

हां, पर तुमने ये नहीं कहा था कि मेरी औकात क्या है,

कल तुमने ख़तम सा कर दिया किस्सा हमदोनों का,

मैं अभी तक ये समझ नहीं पाया था शुरुआत क्या है,

आज तुम्हें मायूस होकर खुद से बातें करते देखा मैंने,

पर मजबूरी ये है कि पूछ भी नहीं सकता बात क्या है,

हिम्मत किश्तों में साथ छोड़ती जा रही है मेरी अब,

आँखों में सिर्फ नमीं ही है तो फिर बरसात क्या है,

मेरे बुजदिली की सजा मेरे बेगुनाह इश्क़ को न मिले,

इजहार-ए-इश्क़ ही अगर गुनाह है तो मेरे साथ क्या है,

मुझे इश्क़ हो गया तुमसे तो तुमने भी मुझसे कर ली,

अगर इसे तुम इश्क़ कहते हो तो फिर खैरात क्या है,

यूँ तो सख्त लड़को में गिनती होती है मेरी शुरू से,

जो तुम गुजरी, जो मैं पिघला, मोम की बिसात क्या है,

तुम्हारे झुमके से आ रही थी टकराकर रौशनी उस रात,

मैंने आसमान की ओर देखा, कि चांदनी रात क्या है,

मुझे टूटना पसंद है इकतरफ़ा इश्क़ करते करते,

पर जानना है मेरे बारे में, तुम्हारे ख़यालात क्या है,

मैं दुनिया भर में पूछता फिर रहा था कि सुकून क्या है,

तुम्हें मुस्कुराता देखा तो भूल गया मेरे सवालात क्या हैं.

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Monday, 8 February 2021

Dear Future Mate

DEAR FUTURE WIFE

By this word, Dear Future Mate, I want to indicate my Future Wife. Of course I don't know where she is. Of course I don't know who she is, how does she look like. In fact I don't know if there is a person to be my future wife or not.

But if there is one, this note is for her. Dear Future Mate, hopefully you would have read my first note Dear Future Wife. After that note, I want to add some points. You should have known about who you are going to marry, and what expectations you can have from your Future Husband.

Dear Future Mate, you can expect from me that I would understand your feelings, your dreams, your wishes, your aims, your future plans and whatever you would have in your mind post marriage. You can also expect that I would give it a better turn. Also, you can expect from me that the turn, I'll try to give, will be in our favour, and if not so, you can raise a complain against me.

Dear Future Mate, you can expect from me that I won't blackmail you emotionally. You can expect from me that I won't shout on you, I won't be angry with you, I won't deny to have my breakfast or lunch. Dear Future Mate, you can expect from me that I won't force you to follow my instructions, until or unless it would be favourable to both of us along with our family.

Dear Future Mate, I have already told you about gifts in my first note. In this, I would like to recall that you don't expect from me that I would bring gift for you each anniversary. But, if you want to be a bit angry at this, you will have to let me know. Otherwise I might be mislead about the fact what you are angry at.

Dear Future Mate, I have already told about my affairs in many of my quotes. But those quotes are confusing. At a time, you will come to suppose I am a hardcore single, but at the other time, you will suppose that I have gone through many breakups. In such case, you can expect my honesty from me pre/post marriage. But most importantly, I want assure you that I won't cheat you.

Dear Future Mate, you can expect my support from me in solving most of lives puzzling situations. You can expect my love from me. While I don't have experience how to love, why to love, what to love, how to show love, what are the terms of Love and so on, yet I shall try my best to make your smile up. Because that time, you smile will be the most precious thing I would never like to lose.

Dear Future Mate, you can expect romantic dialogues from me. But that doesn't mean I have tried them upon someone. But, I have learnt them from various TV Serials and Movies. One thing to remember, I did not have learn this from my friends. Because I am not from them who listens to couple's secret conversations.

Dear Future Mate, you can expect some beautiful moments from me to remember when life will give you goosebumps and you will feel depressed and confused about your decision of marrying me. Trust me, it won't disappoint you.

Dear Future Mate, I don't know I am your type or not. Because I don't know your type. But you can expect my change from me to be your type, if you tell me what you like and dislike in your Husband, what you expect further.

Dear Future Mate, I have already told you that you can expect my honesty from me in confession regarding my affairs. Yet, you can keep an eye on my activities. Trust me, the result won't disappoint you and will never spoil our relationship. Because no one can claim a short or long relationship (of any type, whether Long Distance, Short Distance, Letter Distance, Call Distance, Text Distance, Broker Distance or whatever) with me.

Monday, 21 December 2020

Dear मेरी होने वाली

I don't know, but hope you would have read my previous part of this note which is titled

Dear Future Wife.... I want to add some further notes in that proposal.

I don't know who you are, where you are, what are you doing, how will you look like, what family do you belong to, what type of husband do you wish to have, what type of guys have you dated or not, and many un-answered questions. I don't know, neither I want to know. I don't expect you to be my kind. This is the reason I don't have yet created the list of characteristics which describe what is my kind.

I don't want you to wear saree all th

मुझे नहीं पता, लेकिन मैं उम्मीद करता हूँ कि तुमने इसके पहले वाले part को जरुर पढ़ा होगा जिसका शीर्षक है Dear Future Wife.... मैं उस इश्तिहार में कुछ और भी जोड़ना चाहता हूँ.

मुझे नहीं पता तुम कौन हो, कहाँ हो, क्या कर रही हो, कैसी लगोगी, कैसे खानदान से नाता है, कैसे शौहर की दुआ करती हो, कैसे लड़को को date कर चुकी हो या नहीं किया है, और भी बहुत सारे सवाल जिनका जवाब फ़िलहाल किसी के पास नहीं है. मैं नहीं जानता, और जानना भी नहीं चाहता. मैं उम्मीद नहीं करता कि तुम मेरे जैसी हो. यही वजह है कि मैंने अभी तक उन किस्मों की list नहीं बनायीं है, जिससे ये पता चले कि मुझे अपनी होने वाली में क्या पसंद है.

हाँ, अगर इसकी वजह पता करने का मन करे तो ये मान लेना कि मुझे नहीं पसंद है किसी से उम्मीदें करना, खास कर उससे, जिसको मैंने देखा तक नहीं, जिसको मैंने सुना तक नहीं, जिसको मैंने जाना नहीं, और जिसको मेरे बारे में नहीं पता. क्यूंकि मेरा खुद का तजुर्बा ये कहता है कि इंसान को सबसे ज्यादा तकलीफ़ उसके अपने उम्मीद के टूटने से होता है.

पता है, भरोसा और उम्मीद में यहीं फ़र्क है. भरोसा सिर्फ उसी से होता है, जिसको आप जानते हों, लेकिन उम्मीद किसी से भी हो जाती है. और मैं भरोसा के रूप में उम्मीद करना चाहता हूँ, और बहुत सारे मसलों में तो मैं उम्मीद करना ही नहीं चाहता. मसलन अगर मैं निकाह पढ़ भी लूँ, तब भी मैं मेरी बीवी से ये उम्मीद नहीं करूँगा कि वो हर रोज़ मुझे चाय बना कर दे. क्यूंकि ये उम्मीद मेरे दिलो-दिमाग में घर कर जाएगी, और मैं उस रोज़ भी बीवी के हाथ की चाय का इंतज़ार करूँगा, जिस दिन वो चाय देने के हालातों में नहीं होगी.

उम्मीद को भरोसा का रूप लेने में जितना वक़्त लगता है, उससे कम वक़्त लगता है उसे ज़िद्द का रूप लेने में. और ये ज़िद्द हमारे रिश्ते को खराब कर देंगे. इसलिए Dear मेरी होने वाली, मैं तुमसे ज्यादा कुछ उम्मीद नहीं कर रहा. तुम जो भी हो, जैसी भी हो, मुझे स्वीकार है. हाँ, मैं तुम्हें ज़रूर अपने परिवार के रीती-रिवाजों में बाँधने की कोशिश कर सकता हूँ. मेरा यक़ीन करना, मुझे शौक नहीं होगा ऐसा करने का. हाँ, पर मैं इतना उम्मीद ज़रूर करूँगा कि तुम परिस्थियों को समझोगी और उसके अनुसार अपना आचरण करोगी.

Dear मेरी होने वाली, मैंने अपने पहले proposal Dear Future Wife... में भी बताया है, कि मुझे प्यार का तजुर्बा नहीं है. हाँ, लेकिन जो भी कहीं पर सुनता हूँ, जो लोग मुझसे कहते हैं, जो लोग अपना तजुर्बा बताते हैं, जो कुछ फिल्मों और serials में देखता हूँ, उससे अंदाज़ा ज़रूर लगाता हूँ कि कैसा लगता होगा, जब किसी की हिफ़ाज़त करने वाला, किसी की फ़िक्र करने वाला, किसी की ख़ुशी चाहने वाला कोई और है, और उसे पता भी है. कई बार लोग मुझसे पूछते हैं, आखिर इतने real feeling को लिख कैसे लेते हो?

मैं तुम्हारे सवालात खड़े करने से पहले तुम्हें बताना चाहता हूँ, कि मैंने जो कुछ भी देखा है या सुना है, बस उतना ही मुझे आता है. और ये मेहरबानी है मेरे दोस्तों की जिन्होंने मुझे इर्ष्या दिलाने के लिए ही सही, लेकिन अपने-अपने साथ हुए वाक़ये से वाकिफ़ कराया है. अगर तुम चाहो तो ये मेहरबानी तुम भी कर सकती हो. तुम भी अपने कल, परसों, तरसो सब कुछ मुझसे बता सकती हो. और हाँ, अगर तुम्हें लगे कि मैं बुरा मान जाऊंगा, तो तुम अपनी कहानी को filter भी कर सकती हो. लेकिन तुम मुझसे उम्मीद कर सकती हो कि मुझे बुरा नहीं लगेगा. क्यूंकि सबका अपना-अपना एक कल होता ही है.

हालाँकि इसके साथ-साथ मैं ये भी कहूँगा कि तुम शक़ भी कर सकती हो कि मैं झूठ बोल रहा हूँ, मसलन सब लोग करते हैं. उम्मीद और शक़ की शक्लें एक जैसी होती हैं. लेकिन उम्मीद हमेशा उम्मीद करने वाले के पक्ष में होता है, और शक़ पक्ष में भी हो सकता है और विपक्ष में भी. हाँ पर यहाँ पर मैं तुमसे उम्मीद ज़रूर करूँगा कि अपने शक़ को ज़ाहिर नहीं करोगी किसी और के सामने. मन ही मन शक़ को दूर करने के प्रयास जरुर कर सकती हो. और हाँ, तुम्हें हक़ है कि तुम मेरे झूठे साबित होने पर मुझसे ख़फ़ा हो, मुझसे नाराज़ हो और मुझे कभी माफ़ ना करो.

हाँ मेरी ख्वाहिश ज़रूर है कि कोई मेरी भी फ़िक्र करे, कोई दुआ करे मेरे सलामती, मेरी ख़ुशी, मेरे मुलाक़ात का. लेकिन मेरी ये ख्वाहिश कोई और पूरी करे, ये मेरी ख्वाहिश का हिस्सा कभी ना था, और ना कभी होगा. लेकिन ये तुमसे मेरी उम्मीद नहीं है. क्योंकि ज़रूरी नहीं कि तुम मेरी हर ख्वाहिश पूरी करो. तुम्हें हक़ है ज़िन्दगी को अपने हिसाब से जीने का. और मैं इतना उम्मीद ज़रूर करूँगा तुमसे कि तुम मुझसे ज़ाहिर करो तुम्हारी ख्वाहिशें और वो सारी उम्मीदें जो तुमने संजो रखी हैं.

Wednesday, 4 November 2020

Love, Crush, Future Wife and My world

I start a walk. I don't know where it is going to. I don't know whether it has an end or I will have to return. I don't know whether it is morning or evening. I just keep walking. Being in Love has the same concept I think. In my opinion, if you ask, Love has no route, no finishing point, no time limit, no aim and even no sense. Those who are in Love don't know what they are actually going through or what their life is going through.

Literally if you ask, I am talking about winter season. You see for is there all around. It feels like someone enters in the fog. But it's not like that. He who enters in the fog don't feel the same that he has entered in the fog. There is the difference between the point of view. Observer point of view says that someone has entered in the fog. But he who enters doesn't feel the same about himself. In the other situation, he who walks through the fog feels that he has left the observer in the fog.

You might not getting what I want to say. Don't worry, I'll make it clear. Let's come to the point. I am talking about Being in Love. People are often misled of my being in Love. They think that I'm in Love and not telling them. But this is the same as I have given above example. I am walking in search of Love and people think I am in Love. Reality is that they are in Love and their affection for me makes them assume that I'm in Love.

If I come to explain them, they won't believe it. They know I write quotes and poems along with notes about Love. They know the quotes I write are very relatable to all. They know I often talk about True Love. They had always observed me smiling. Smile!! what a beautiful topic to talk about! Oh!

There is a saying in English- "Behind every success, there is a woman." I rephrased it, saying- "Behind every smile, there is a female." This is not my phrase. This is what I have always heard from people who asked me, "Who is the reason for your smiling face?" Hey, this is not so simple to say as it looks here. They say, someone must have prayed that's why I am smiling. People in my circle tease me, saying that I'm single. But when it really comes to share some quality time, they turn their back, saying I'm lying about my singlehood.

I said no, my Being in Love is like my being in fog. People observing me from a place see me entering in and coming out from FOG. But only he who walks with me can realize that being an observer he was wrong. Same thing is here. He who says I'm lying about my singlehood, must live sometimes with me. He will automatically come to share his girlfriend with me as a sympathy.

I'm not on social gaming platforms where most of my friends got their call-mates to talk over night. The reason behind this is I can't hide my cheap behavior there. And, being called a cheap is not my thing. I'm very desperate about experiencing how it feels to have girlfriend. I listen to my friends when they share their experiences and imagine the same on me. I watch dating videos on YouTube. Some channels (i.e. Filtercopy, Binge, Alright, TSP, RVCJ Media, Arre, The Viral Fever, POPxoDaily, The Timeliner, Gobble, Harsh Beniwal, Patakha, This is Sumesh, ScoopWhoop etc.) on YouTube are there in my following list. They create feelings in me, for none.

When I listen to Arijit Singh, I literally begin to cry, feeling broken. But when I think about the person who have broken me, there is no one. I then find myself stupid. That's why I have started listening to English songs, which I don't understand. I listen to Love Poet, not because I can relate to their lines. This is just because I want to feel the same they have felt. I know this is not possible even in this fast world, where 3D motion pictures can be enjoyed.

Coming to the first example, I want to get into the fog. I walk into it and want to embrace the Fog like no one had ever did before. But Fog is not coming to me. The closer I move, the farer it goes. He who walks with me can see me walking faster. Not because I'm afraid of something un-wanted. I just want to embrace the Fog and never leave it.

Now replace the Fog with Love. Those who observe me entering into Love don't know I actually want to embrace Love tight. The less the number in meter for visibility is, the more I see chances to actually get into the Fog. Same with Love. The more the options, the more the chances. But nothing comes true in my case. And what the truth is is not acceptable by the society, I live in.

So, should I change the society??!!! I shall discuss on it in the finishing paragraph.

As I have mentioned, I sit with my friends when they share their experiences. I shit quiet. But my words matter for none. My presence matters. Those who see me sitting with friends and discussing about Love, they raise question Why? And, before I could explain them, they already have their own answer, I must be in Love. The same Why is raised in me regarding can't I be single. If you go for opinion poll with this question, a maximum will answer you NO. Reason is they are not single. They are committed.

Here is a myth. If someone has overeaten, he thinks no one is hungry. This is universal truth. If someone comes with an objection, I can't accept it. Because he doesn't accept I can be single. But, somewhere in a corner of my heart, myself respect doesn't allow me calling myself single. Shocked!! Don't worry, let me explain.

Also I'm not single. I'm committed with my FUTURE WIFE. Hey, don't think that. Who will be my Future Wife is not decided yet. Yet, I'm committed with her. She will be going to get a man who has no past. There will be no one to claim of being my ex. I won't be an apple of discord. My Future Wife will get an unexperienced guy. So, in this case, my Future Wife will not only be my wife, but also my teacher. I've already written a column on FUTURE WIFE, with this title Dear Future Wife... So, I don't stretch this not further on this topic.

Also, I've feelings for my crush. Hey, I can't deny this truth. Yes, many of you know about Crush. If don't, I know you are smart enough to Google it. Google will tell you Crush is a person to which you want to share your words regarding your feelings. But let me tell you what Crush means for me.

When I accidently cross with my Crush, I just look at her face. This is very satisfying for me. I don't look at elsewhere. I want to see her smiling. I want to see her eyes blink in slow motion. I want to see her laser cut hairs that she carries to stick with her ear again and again. I don't want to see her dimples. I want to see her lips changing shapes and length with her smile. I want to skid with the softness her face has. I want to see her continues without my eye blinks till the time, I would have no longer need to see her again. I don't want to compare her face with another ones. Because when I see her face, there is no face I want to see after. My eyes and heart doesn't allow me looking at something else.

There is no body sensation I feel. There is no stuttering in my words. I just feel different. This is not the same feeling my friends have for their beloveds. I feel I should express my feelings to her. But I don't understand what type of feeling I have. I don't understand what will I tell her. I don't know how to break the ice and keep the ball rolling. I'm not ready for a maiden speech. I don't feel my heartbeat turns faster after coming close to her. Yet, I have not been in her 15 meters radius.

There is no such feelings like she would be my girlfriend or friend or classmate or neighbor and all. Not at all. I just imagine myself and her in a single frame. For me, nothing but seeing her face matters. This is not because she is very beautiful. This is not because I haven't seen anyone more beautiful than her. This is because the simplicity and glory I see in her, is rare. It is hard to smile naturally. It is hard to burst into laughing. She doesn't care who is noticing her, who is following her, who is stalking her.

My first novel The Statement was all about my struggles for the single glance of the said face. But unfortunately, someone (I know the name) has lost it. I had mentioned every little stuff. I remember I had written that on January 24th, 2014, the distance between me and her was 17.05 meters or 19.1 yard. Air was a bit moisture. Cold breeze was blowing. She had worn a jacket with Dard blue and black linings over a pink top, and a Jeans in black. Sandals were looking about 7 months old. She had no scarf. That's why she was feeling cold in the afternoon. She just sat in a shop and covered her ears with her hands. Sometimes, she was blowing air in her hand and touching her ears with the warmed palm.

There were many such little stuff were written in the novel. Now, every date is forgotten. I still remember every incidents. But it is no use I remember such things. I tried my best to get over these things when I heard of losing my novel manuscript. I had written how I first met my crush. This was like we had attended a function. I was standing with my friends watching performances by school boys. Also she was standing with her friends on the opposite side, watching performances by school boys. My friends were looking at her, continuously, in a hope of that one chance when she looks at him and he could pass a sign. After looking for almost 40 hours, when she did not turn to us, one of my friends turned my head towards her.

I looked at her from her left. She was enjoying the function. But for us, she was the center of attraction. And, unfortunately she turned to us just after five minutes. The moment when she turned to us, we were looking at her. One of my friends passed him a signal in sign language. She turned back. After the function was end, we moved out the hall. We followed her to know where she would left for. The idea was not mine. I was feeling nothing for her till the time. But, when she caught her car to home, I felt something is missing. There the story started.

But the question is that is this called being committed? If yes, why your committed status is different than mine? It costs nothing to have crush on someone. Also I was someone's crush, and I know it. But unlike me, she had made an approach to me and proposed me for Time Pass.

Yes, I call it time pass. If you are taking someone's time for no use, this is time pass. Those who claim that I am hiding about my Love can tell me the definition. If there would be anything common in there Love and mine, I would honestly admit it. But no, there is nothing. Talking to a girl whole night is Love for them. Having been in physical relation is Love for them. Meeting and long ride is Love for them. Sharing moments and happiness is Love for them. Gift and Valentine week are the key factor to express their Love. And when it comes to marry, the don't choose the same mate.

Why does it need a Girlfriend, when everything can be made with wife? Is this because it is your swag? No. This is because you can't wait till the time. You can't wait for your Wife/Husband's entry in your life. Till the time, you need a toy to play with for your enjoyment and entertainment. And yes, I'm proud to say I'm single. Because I can wait for my wife.

You have some rights. One of them also this is that it's your choice to accept it or not. I was looking for a world where people could understand me and accept me for what I am, without question. Because I believe in the fact. If someone say I don't have pen, I accept it and look for a solution, if he is in need. I don't ask him Why doesn't he have pen. We are not same. When I have to share something, I find blog to share or note it in my diary. I don't always need a friend to share things with. And, I'm blessed with the smart friends who give me solution related to life problems.

Yet, I'm in search of my own world, where everyone can be understood. If someone makes mistakes, don't repeat Why again and again. I'm not saying that you stop your Time Pass. What I want to say is that don't ask my Why am I single again and again. You carry on with your Time Pass and do accept that someone in this world, in this century can be single. Because yes, I am waiting for the one, I don't know. Don't judge me with my quotes, notes and poems. None of them is based on my personal experience.

Sometimes I feel, telling people that I am single has same effect like you are riding bicycle on a slope and pedaling in reverse, without applying brakes. For me, Love should be a solid state of matter, so that I could have it in atomic mass, if not in Kilo.

Yet, I'll be present to share things about Love. Do follow me on other social media platforms. Click on the respective option where you want to see us.